Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
