I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
