he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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