We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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