Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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