I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
