i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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