I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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