Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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