I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
