I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
