Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
