I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
