Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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