I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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