I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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