Please, let me fuck your mom
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
