Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
