Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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