i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
as a side note pls kill me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
