I need to stop coming to work sober
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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