My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
