I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
