Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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