The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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