my vag is so smooth its legendary
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
