You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
