Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
