you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
