She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
