Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
