I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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