OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
