im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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