So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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