LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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