so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
