My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
