k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
