i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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