I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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