i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
wow bdsm is so cute
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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