i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My ass is underappreciated
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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