Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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