That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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