I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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