yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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