i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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