**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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