sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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