I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
