Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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