you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize