bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
