So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
