My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
