You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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