My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
