I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
