The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
