just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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