Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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