he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
