who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
