all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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