I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
