How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
