got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
